Second Chances and Forgiveness....

When I hear the word "second," I tend to think of something that isn't as good as what is first, not meeting expectations of the best, a sort of failure.  But "second" can also represent a second child (which is a wonderful thing!), taking a second look can save yourself from making a wrong decision, a second chance at a relationship when things have deteriorated or of building a new life when divorce or death strikes.

It is easy to become bitter and angry that life has turned out this way.  Anyone who has been through a tragic event can understand the rage and deep sadness that seems to envelope your heart.  Some days I feel paralyzed to even begin to know how to create this second chance I am facing.  I've spent the last few weeks in agony wondering why Sam?  why us?  How could this have happened?  Was I proactive enough with treatments, should we have gone to Europe for treatment, and did I do enough.  Why did he die?  I was in such grief during our illness that I wasn't grateful enough for meals and family trying to help.  Please forgive me for my lack of gratitude.  We were all suffering, and I'm sorry I didn't acknowledge the grief of those around me more.  I was working full time and taking care of Sam and on autopilot.  My feelings were buried and now they are surfacing with tinges of anger at myself and causing me lack of sleep and the inability to even eat.  How to let go of the anger and let healing flow in? 

Today I listened to Matthew West's song, Forgiveness.  It is the story of a mother who lost her 21 year old daughter when she was hit by a drunk driver and died.  The driver was a young man who was 24 and ultimately sentenced to 22 years in prison.  She traveled to schools talking about her experience but realized that by truly forgiving this young man in prison would actually set her free.  She met with him, letting him know she forgave him, and she even asked the Court to have his sentence reduced and it was cut in half.  By doing that, she changed his life and today he travels with her to speak to young people about drunk driving and has made beauty out of ashes in his life.

One word....Forgiveness.  A powerful word with deep meaning.  I want to be a woman who forgives easily; to give everyone a second chance is my goal.  I want to forgive myself.  I want those that I have hurt to forgive me.  We all fail, fall short, make mistakes, say things that hurt, make wrong choices, but the beauty is forgiveness frees us from the bonds of pain.  By forgiving others and giving second chances, we are free.  Love and encouragement bring about change rather than criticism and condemnation.  Letting go of grudges actually frees us!

I'm just beginning this journey of asking God to guide my decisions in this second chance at life.  The enormity of this journey has deeply impacted me.  I am looking at this second chance as an opportunity to serve and to live out this next chapter of life to become more of the woman God created me to be, to look for and to develop my talents and interests.  I pray that I can love the unlovable, that I will be strong enough to enter into this second chapter of life without bitterness and anger, but with wisdom, strength and grace.  The word forgiveness is going with me on this journey.  I am forever changed...forgiveness is imperative to move forward.

Forgiveness: A song by Matthew West

Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness

It'll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what it's power can do
So, let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you

Forgiveness
Forgiveness
Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness

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