Living Life By The Ocean

It's been 7 days since Sam left me. My beautiful cousin wrote me this week and reminded me that God created the heavens and the earth in six days...and on the seventh He rested.  Maybe I should do the same. The past week is a blur.  Food, flower deliveries, friends stopping by with love and messages of sympathy.  I have been the recipient of more love and care than I feel I deserve.  The past year has been my "six days."  I've  been creating our treatment plan with the doctors, figuring out what to do with our businesses, keeping our vehicles running and the house bills paid and most importantly, caring for Sams physical health.  The fact that he chose not to talk much during his illness leaves me in a confusing spot.  I feel stuck moving forward even an inch.  Would he want me to move forward into life...should I give his truck to our son....should I sell the house?  Everyone says not to make any sudden decisions, and I agree, but even breathing feels like a decisi

I want readers of my blog to know why I write.  I am a complete novice at writing.  I've never had a diary as a child, never written in a journal, and I haven't felt the need to document my life.  When life became stressful beyond what I thought I could manage, I began writing down my experiences. It wasn't to be some fake look into how wonderful we are doing and all the beautiful lessons it has taught me. I started writing to be able to look back at my experiences from my viewpoint. I didn't view this blog as a way to keep anyone informed as to the progress of our disease; I assumed anyone who wanted to know how things were going would call or message me and I've always been honest with what is happening.  I haven't spent every night on the phone updating people, because frankly I could barely get the words out some days and most days things were stable and we were in treatment, following the course set for us by our oncologist. Every post I've written ha