Why I Write...

I want readers of my blog to know why I write.  I am a complete novice at writing.  I've never had a diary as a child, never written in a journal, and I haven't felt the need to document my life.  When life became stressful beyond what I thought I could manage, I began writing down my experiences. It wasn't to be some fake look into how wonderful we are doing and all the beautiful lessons it has taught me. I started writing to be able to look back at my experiences from my viewpoint. I didn't view this blog as a way to keep anyone informed as to the progress of our disease; I assumed anyone who wanted to know how things were going would call or message me and I've always been honest with what is happening.  I haven't spent every night on the phone updating people, because frankly I could barely get the words out some days and most days things were stable and we were in treatment, following the course set for us by our oncologist.

Every post I've written has been totally mine. I didn't try to exclude anyone on purpose or hurt feelings or rewrite history. Most of my ramblings are spontaneous and I don't have time to spend hours editing and worrying if I've offended someone.  It's never my intent to hurt anyone, but it seems I have and I'm sorry. My blog belongs to me. If you choose to read it, it's because I let you into the corners of my heart, a vulnerable place that is filled with hurt and fear and yet also faith and hope.

I'm thinking of taking a break from my blog as our disease progresses.  Not because I want to because  there are difficult days ahead and writing is healing,  but social media is risky and putting feelings out there takes courage...maybe I don't have enough these days to push through criticism.  My only goal is to love and to care for my husband in every way, at every moment. That's all the courage I have right now.

The main goal of my blog is to let my readers and friends know that my deep faith in God's goodness  to us is sustaining me, and I choose to dwell on all the wonderful years we've had together, not on this past year and all the difficulties.  My son and I already have an unbreakable bond walking through this illness. Each day he steps up and he and I both feel confident we have worked as a team, no judgment or blame, just teamwork and communication in a productive way. I am so grateful he gave up his life this past year for his dad and me. There are no words to thank him for all he's done and he has never asked for anything in return.

Thanks to those who love and support us!! I wish only love and peace.  Navigating rough waters is tricky, but I think we are on course.
Love this song....
         Great is your faithfulness oh God of Jacob
You wrestle with the sinner's restless heart
You lead us by still waters into mercy
When nothing can keep us apart
So remember your people
Remember your children
Remember your promise, oh God
For Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me.

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