Striving to Live In Colour
I recently read a story about a young woman who suddenly collapsed and was eventually diagnosed with a brain tumour. After her successful surgery and recovery, she likened it to living in black and white before her surgery and all of a sudden, she was living in colour now that she was well. Facing mortality is life changing.
A year ago we were preparing to go to Ireland to celebrate our 30th anniversary. Sam was planning his Christmas light show and life was bursting with all the colours of love and joy. These days I see more of a flat, one dimensional scenery. It truly feels as if I have become colour blind over the last few months. How to find colour again and get my groove back. -- these are my ramblings:
ACKNOWLEDGE
Remembering where I've come from these past few months and to see the way our family has been sustained is encouraging. Remembering God's faithfulness to us and His provisions reminds me that we are on track and that our story is still being written; I wish desperately that our prognosis was more positive, but facing our situation and accepting it is healing in itself;
SELF CARE
This crazy cancer treadmill is enough to drive a person mad. It requires every ounce of your body and mind. You take in criticism, sort through opinions from everyone on the road you are walking, you question every decision you make and with our situation of suddenly selling and closing businesses and dealing with many complex issues of life and work, the stress level is elevated. It's advisable to take time during this cancer journey to take care of yourself, but with everything I've had to deal with, there simply wasn't time to slow down. Now that our businesses are mostly wound down, I realize how desperately I need a day off. It's time.
RELEASING
Releasing anxiety isn't as easy as it sounds. Breathing is a priority--some days I find myself not eating and just holding my breath about what's happening around me. Breathing is essential...the deep, "fill my lungs and savour the air" kind of breath. Being present in just this moment--not worrying about tomorrow is the goal. I have plenty before me to face and to deal with and to enjoy today. Tomorrow has time to work itself out. I will be present today! Incorporating prayer throughout my day is essential in bringing back my holy joy and colour to my life. I used to think that God requires us to sit and pray with eyes shut and head bowed. Now I know He hears our cries when we drive to hospital and are in need of strength; He has no requirements of how and when I pray...He just hears me...always. My circumstances shouldn't dictate whether I see the world in colour or black and white. I'd be less than honest if I said this walk is easy and I am joyful. Life is black and white some days....and other days it is filled with pinks and greens and purples and all the colours of love and life. I am grateful for the opportunity to live today. Just as some days are rainy and black and white, there are also days filled with sunshine and colour!
Imagine a world of only black and white. Thank you, God, for the magnificent colours you bring into our lives, sometimes when we least expect it.
A year ago we were preparing to go to Ireland to celebrate our 30th anniversary. Sam was planning his Christmas light show and life was bursting with all the colours of love and joy. These days I see more of a flat, one dimensional scenery. It truly feels as if I have become colour blind over the last few months. How to find colour again and get my groove back. -- these are my ramblings:
Remembering where I've come from these past few months and to see the way our family has been sustained is encouraging. Remembering God's faithfulness to us and His provisions reminds me that we are on track and that our story is still being written; I wish desperately that our prognosis was more positive, but facing our situation and accepting it is healing in itself;
SELF CARE
This crazy cancer treadmill is enough to drive a person mad. It requires every ounce of your body and mind. You take in criticism, sort through opinions from everyone on the road you are walking, you question every decision you make and with our situation of suddenly selling and closing businesses and dealing with many complex issues of life and work, the stress level is elevated. It's advisable to take time during this cancer journey to take care of yourself, but with everything I've had to deal with, there simply wasn't time to slow down. Now that our businesses are mostly wound down, I realize how desperately I need a day off. It's time.
RELEASING
Releasing anxiety isn't as easy as it sounds. Breathing is a priority--some days I find myself not eating and just holding my breath about what's happening around me. Breathing is essential...the deep, "fill my lungs and savour the air" kind of breath. Being present in just this moment--not worrying about tomorrow is the goal. I have plenty before me to face and to deal with and to enjoy today. Tomorrow has time to work itself out. I will be present today! Incorporating prayer throughout my day is essential in bringing back my holy joy and colour to my life. I used to think that God requires us to sit and pray with eyes shut and head bowed. Now I know He hears our cries when we drive to hospital and are in need of strength; He has no requirements of how and when I pray...He just hears me...always. My circumstances shouldn't dictate whether I see the world in colour or black and white. I'd be less than honest if I said this walk is easy and I am joyful. Life is black and white some days....and other days it is filled with pinks and greens and purples and all the colours of love and life. I am grateful for the opportunity to live today. Just as some days are rainy and black and white, there are also days filled with sunshine and colour!
Imagine a world of only black and white. Thank you, God, for the magnificent colours you bring into our lives, sometimes when we least expect it.
There is not one blade of grass, there is no color in this world that is not intended to make us rejoice. John Calvin
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