Faithfulness in the Layers of Life
When I began writing about our Cancer journey, I knew deep in my soul that it would be unpredictable, that things could get better ... healing could happen ... Or it might not. In real life, some days are sunny days, some are stormy, and some are rainbow days--the beauty after the storm.
I write to remind myself of my feelings on given days and to reassure my kids and their families that we are ok, that we trust God for His plan to be worked out in our family. Through our illness, I have been reminded (not surprised) at how strong our three kids are--I no longer think of them as "kids." They are strong, resilient, attentive, empathetic, always on the phone to me asking to help, generous and self-sacrificing adults. They are everything and more we have raised them to be. They are my biggest cheerleaders and my go-to people on not-so-good days. They consistently show no judgment,.,.just love toward me.
This week was a hard week. We finalized the sale on our chiropractic clinic with the help of two lawyers I am privileged to also call friends. I haven't felt complete closure in my brain but one step at a time. My new mantra has become: I own my feelings and I am entitled to them. Good or bad, feelings are what they are. Some things can't be rushed. On another front, our doctor has recommended we stop treatment. Our tumour markers are substantially higher and all indications point to the treatment isn't working. We now have new challenges to face, decisions on how to move forward. Whereas through treatment I was driving the decisions and maintaining the schedule, now Sam takes over and I step back. We are blessed to have home support, a local oncologist that will now step in and support from other agencies. This changes everything.....and yet it changes nothing.
From the very beginning, we acknowledged that God is in control. He sees all of eternity and He knows the length of our lives before we are born! He has guided every single step we have taken in this illness because I have continually asked for God's guidance in making decisions and walking through this cancer journey. I have no regrets that we haven't given ourselves one thousand percent to trying to beat it. There has been so much pain and loss in our lives, and yet God showed me a new layer of His faithfulness each day. I love this interpretation of Romans 8:28:
"We are confident that God is able to orchestrate everything to work toward something good and beautiful when we love Him and accept His invitation to live according to His plan."
And so we walk forward with new resolve to be braver and to continue to walk the walk we are given. We are grateful for support from so many. There are a couple of special ladies in my life that have held me up, one by bringing food and garden goodies and another who is dealing with her own illness struggles but still takes time to stop by my office and pray for me and we hug. Not to mention my work family who consistently take on my work so I can be with Sam. We love you all so much.
Lauren Daigle is one of my favourite artists. Her song, "Trust in You" was written as her grandpa, a special man in her life, was dying of cancer. She understands that sometimes healing isn't necessarily done on earth.
Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wondering
Never changes what You see
When You don't move the mountains
I'm needing You to move
When You don't part the waters
I wish I could walk through
When You don't give the answers
As I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust
I will trust in You.
God, give us strength and courage to live out every day to fulfill Your plan and may You be glorified through our weaknesses. ❤️
I write to remind myself of my feelings on given days and to reassure my kids and their families that we are ok, that we trust God for His plan to be worked out in our family. Through our illness, I have been reminded (not surprised) at how strong our three kids are--I no longer think of them as "kids." They are strong, resilient, attentive, empathetic, always on the phone to me asking to help, generous and self-sacrificing adults. They are everything and more we have raised them to be. They are my biggest cheerleaders and my go-to people on not-so-good days. They consistently show no judgment,.,.just love toward me.
This week was a hard week. We finalized the sale on our chiropractic clinic with the help of two lawyers I am privileged to also call friends. I haven't felt complete closure in my brain but one step at a time. My new mantra has become: I own my feelings and I am entitled to them. Good or bad, feelings are what they are. Some things can't be rushed. On another front, our doctor has recommended we stop treatment. Our tumour markers are substantially higher and all indications point to the treatment isn't working. We now have new challenges to face, decisions on how to move forward. Whereas through treatment I was driving the decisions and maintaining the schedule, now Sam takes over and I step back. We are blessed to have home support, a local oncologist that will now step in and support from other agencies. This changes everything.....and yet it changes nothing.
From the very beginning, we acknowledged that God is in control. He sees all of eternity and He knows the length of our lives before we are born! He has guided every single step we have taken in this illness because I have continually asked for God's guidance in making decisions and walking through this cancer journey. I have no regrets that we haven't given ourselves one thousand percent to trying to beat it. There has been so much pain and loss in our lives, and yet God showed me a new layer of His faithfulness each day. I love this interpretation of Romans 8:28:
"We are confident that God is able to orchestrate everything to work toward something good and beautiful when we love Him and accept His invitation to live according to His plan."
And so we walk forward with new resolve to be braver and to continue to walk the walk we are given. We are grateful for support from so many. There are a couple of special ladies in my life that have held me up, one by bringing food and garden goodies and another who is dealing with her own illness struggles but still takes time to stop by my office and pray for me and we hug. Not to mention my work family who consistently take on my work so I can be with Sam. We love you all so much.
Lauren Daigle is one of my favourite artists. Her song, "Trust in You" was written as her grandpa, a special man in her life, was dying of cancer. She understands that sometimes healing isn't necessarily done on earth.
Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wondering
Never changes what You see
When You don't move the mountains
I'm needing You to move
When You don't part the waters
I wish I could walk through
When You don't give the answers
As I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust
I will trust in You.
God, give us strength and courage to live out every day to fulfill Your plan and may You be glorified through our weaknesses. ❤️
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