Gratitude Amidst the Grief
As the year turned over, I began reading a lot about choosing a word of the year to concentrate on. So many words came to mind, but Gratitude was the recurring word I wanted to claim as my own this year. There are so many negative words to define my last year, heartbreak, loss, deconstruction of my life, disagreements, misunderstandings....Cancer. Why does gratitude continue to force its way into my soul?? Last year when Sam was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer, I went into survival mode. I tried to explain to family and friends how I felt about losing our livelihood, businesses we built while we were just kids, young parents, 30-somethings, but I am confident it can't be understood. Even I have trouble grasping what has happened to me. The depth of loss is just now seeping into the hollows of my heart where so much has been stripped away already with the loss of Sam. I realize now that losing Sam was so much more than losing my partner, the guy I met in Chicago